heartbreak and pebble beach

and with those waves we got carried away
my heart became your beaks pray
weightless summerair lured me into your lair
quickly I knew better but in loves despair
I denied my heart its appropriate care
waves of love sinking into me but throughout the months you withdrew from me

but I am ready to ride the right waves to kiss the moon with my suns beams

just like the water flowing back through the pebbles moving them
my soul was left behind in another sorted mess
your love was just like the water in my hands
I could hold it but I couldn’t contain it
and after all my biggest fear became real you once said:
babe, there is no timelimit for us but by tomorrow it could be over!

…I am one step closer to you my yet unknown perfect dream…

so I am ready to ride the right waves to kiss the moon with my suns beams

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” ~ Tom Robbins

I wasn‘t looking at that point when we met I was recently just being open for what life has still to offer to surprise me with.

That day when we met I wasn‘t in any way prepared or in a waiting position and it was movielike. Sometimes I wonder, when two people meet and one feels a spark, can this spark also only come from or for one person or can it only become ignited because both feel the same?

However I was bewitched, happy and excited. The next days went by quickly I opened up all the way, letting love flow, inhaling every emotion there is, living what my heart is telling me. I was ready to rebirth this spark over and over again and to let this magic become infinite.

Very soon I was invited to accompany him to Wales. At first I wasn‘t sure but then I said oh well if I don‘t go I will probably regret it later on, off we went to Wales together, not knowing eachother much on the surface, my heart though said otherwise.

It was like a dream, the environment and the adventure was enchanting.

This is where I took the pictures and the videos which you can see in this video for my song „pebble beach“, the sound of waves which you can hear in this song are also recorded at a pebble beach in Wales because the sound of water flowing back moving the pebbles intrigued me so much, that I just had to record it.

Could I turn back time I would go back there to this beautiful place surrounded by this big blob of loving emotions. I wonder if being in love shows in those videos, does a face change during that time?

Not even two months later love turned into misery and became a victim to his instable emotionality, a disease of modern society. That is why I choose the excerpt of one of my favourite authors Tom Robbins at the beginning of this entry.

However despite all this pain, this failure of understanding I wondered why am I yet again at the same spot like at the beginning of this year 2013. What do I need to change, what is this experience telling me, what do I need to let go off?

After having looked deep into the mirror of my soul with the help of many dear friends who have supported me in this painful time I came up with a couple conclusions which have truly made me change in many ways and brought me back to my core.

I won’t bother you with my inner journey details but I want to inspire you with the outcome of it:

In times of heartbreak I realized it is so much better when it happens to you once you are little older, because by then at least I have gotten to know my body better and I could help it on the surface.

When your heart aches and your body is cold go into the spa or sauna, it warms you up inside and outside and feels like an embrace. Be good to yourself. Do sports, go out for a run, breath in fresh air, shake your chakras, listen to your surroundings, smell the flowers or whatever there is to smell and distract you with the beauty thats surrounding you. Everybody is different sometimes it is more helpful to be alone in nature being healed by mother earth, than distracting yourself with people because people will truly distract you but mother earth can distract you but also gives you room to be with yourself.

Also if you have friends, reach out for them, I realized that whenever I fall there is a net of loving friends reaching out for me to catch me gently and stabilize me again.

Most of the work will end up sticking with you though, clean up in your own house and by that I mean your body, soul and heart.

Sometimes its not much but even a little bit will get you closer to emptying your backpack completely.

I found out that there are things in life and holes in ones soul that a partner will never be able to substitute and its not their responsibility either.

Always stay true to yourself and by all means listen to yourself as much as you can because the truth is within you. Trust.

Don‘t let fear rule you!

Never settle for anything less in loves despair! In a relationship there is room for failure and mistakes because at the end we are all human BUT nevertheless there should always be equal appreciation, respect and love between two souls or at least it should be balanced!

Last but not least if one door closes there is room for another to open up and with every step and your finished „housework“ there is room for someone even more special and room for even more love with no strings attached!!! Never and I truly say never give up on love, don‘t shut down or close yourself off because there is a lot to miss out on and it won‘t hold off breakups and heartpain but you will lack of experiences and many beautiful moments in your life.

Believe and be loving above all to yourself and you will heal quickly and if it helps be creative! Turn your pain into any art you can think of and you feel like doing!!! Do something magicial instead of wallowing in a nonproductive complaint- and suffering-mode.

I made a contract with myself to spend at least one hour a day to create music and it turned out to be the best medicine ever!

With that I wrote this song you have been listening to at the beginning, telling a sad story but with a happy end, transforming pain into love and hope!

For all the singles, future couples and long-term couples this upcoming excerpt written by the „long distance love bombs“-team has truly touched me and I hope it does the same to you and provokes you to live by that, if possible! I couldn‘t have said it better but I have always felt it:

„Connection is key, vulnerability is bravery, and an open heart breaks down closed souls. We only get one shot at this life, this moment, and this relationship. If you’re blessed enough to find yourself waking up next to the same love over and over and over again, please don’t think of it as blandness. Choose blessedness.“

And with that I will let you go for today!

Be the love you want to experience and see in life and follow your heart as much as you can despite the obstacles!




PS 24.10.2013:


Just heard this song today and it cheered me up, need to share this with you! Thank you Paul Armfield with your song „you will be loved again“

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